The Underachiever

In vitro fertilization (IVF) means "fertilization in glass." Remember the world's first IVF baby? Well, actually, we all called Louise Brown a "test tube baby." She was born in 1978 in England. Since then, approximately 1,000,000 babies have been born as a result of IVF!

IVF has gone from a concept which I could barely wrap my brain around to something I am actually doing to have a baby.

Waiting to start this cycle seemed like an eternity! I finally began taking my medications and injections on August 10th. I was fine for the first two days, but on day three I began to feel horribly sick. I had a migraine that never really went away and if I was so much as an hour late for a meal, I immediately felt nauseated. Dr. Lipari was kind enough to give me Tylenol with Codeine which took the edge off but never made it fully go away.

The feeling sick I can take; it's the other development that has me really panicked. And by development, I mean LACK of development: of my follicles!

When I took all the drugs to stimulate egg production in June, I had a very nice response. One or two large follicles which will release eggs are desirable for an IUI. I produced 4 mature follicles! Of course, it didn't result in a pregnancy, but it seemed to bode well for the hyperstimulation needed for IVF.

This time felt different. I was more excited and even got butterflies in my tummy every time I thought about doing IVF. It felt... magical. I thought for sure this feeling meant something. I haven't felt that way since Saturday morning when Dr. Lipari did an ultrasound and told me that my follicles are still quite small. They're not growing at the rate he had expected based on my previous response. Being the positive thinker he always is, Dr. Lipari refused to be negative and just pushed everything back a few days.

So, although I was supposed to go to the next phase of my cycle on Friday the 15th, it's being held off indefinitely. I am to continue using the stimulation drugs and have another ultrasound and blood tests tomorrow (Monday). I can already tell that the follicles haven't exactly exploded and gotten all fat and juicy. I'm 7 days into this cycle and by this time in June, my belly was HUGE! I was bloated and uncomfortable. I looked pregnant! I don't look pregnant now. I'm not that bloated.

There are a couple of things that can happen from this. One, the cycle may be cancelled and I may be out $4000 for drugs. I won't lose the entire $9000 I paid for the cycle but I will have to buy another cycle-worth of drugs to try again. Two, we keep going on this cycle and pray my follicles are big enough for retrieval by the time I run out of meds. Or three, I buy more drugs to get the follicles big enough for retrieval this cycle.

This may very well be it: the end of my eggs. They are finite and I may have exhausted my supply.