I have moved from my English basement apartment in NW DC into a townhouse in Silver Spring just blocks from the Woodside neighborhood where I owned my first home. Besides moving for the benefit of in-state tuition, I needed the peace of mind that the neighborhood would provide and the green space for Bailey. It has been working out very well - I love it here.
That alone has helped buoy my mood for a couple of months but there was a genuine contentment there as well. I finally felt settled.
Over the past two weeks, I've noticed something creeping in again. I can't put my finger on it. It's not exactly sadness -- at least not yet. But it's definitely a restless or empty feeling. Sadly, I know this feeling well. It's my cycle of depression that abates for a while and then returns with a vengeance.
At least I'm rational right now and can think it through... that won't be the case if/when hits.
It's a little like laying on a beach and feeling high tide coming and knowing that there will be a period of time where my head will be under water and I won't be able to breath. I know that the tide will ebb but I won't know when I can breath again. I will panic but I will let it take me because I have no control. Darkness, despair, etc...
Sometimes I fight it and sometimes I let go and allow it to consume me. I'm just not sure which I will choose in the coming weeks.
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