The More Things Change

I spent months trying to make something happen with LDB. I knew he wanted me but I couldn't seem to make it happen. Now I have confirmation.
LDB was trying to connect and we finally managed to have a conversation longer than 5 mins and not in the form of text message. We covered all the usual things before I got up the nerve to ask him if he was seeing anyone. Of course, the answer was yes. He said it wasn't serious. That it was light and casual. It still cut me in half.

He said that he was trying to be careful because he knew I wanted a serious relationship and that he couldn't give me that, but he wanted to keep me in his life.

I was hurt, so I told him what I have been doing. I lashed out and I know it hurt him.

I admitted to him that I knew we could never be more because he wants children and I can't have them. This he doesn't believe -- or doesn't want to accept. For every reason we weren't right for each other that I brought up, he found ways to counter it. But the underlying pain when he said that he was glad I "have someone" and that I'm "happy" and that he doesn't have to worry about me...it betrayed him completely.

Where the f*** was this when I needed it? Why couldn't he say these things when I desperately wanted him to want me?

He sat theree tonight telling me how hot and fun I am. What a cool girl I am. He even said over and over what an amazing mother I would be. Now. He says this NOW.

Unbelieveable.

Meanwhile, I have heard NOTHING from the other one. NOTHING.
I was so arrogant. So full of myself. I actually believed that the problem would be that HE would get all moony over ME. That his feelings would be strong and misplaced and cause issues.

Yet again... The joke's on me.