The Remains of the Year

The past few months have brought a few surprises, both good and bad. I hardly know where to begin...

Let's wrap-up the whole LDB thing first. Once LDB and I struggled through our communication issues around Thanksgiving, I began to understand a little better what was really going on. Of course there were underlying factors and I just wasn't aware of what they were.

For my part, I knew I was having a hard time getting to a place in my head and heart where I could really trust him again. For his, I now believe that depression was driving his erratic behavior. During our last conversation he made some very telling comments about having everything he wanted and how he should be happy, but feels numb. This understanding allowed me to relax and accept the situation a little better.


I finished my first semester back in college in December. I studied so hard and put in dozens of hours but still ended with a major disappointment. Biology was hard but never really an issue for me. I'd maintained a low A or a high B throughout the semester. However, I struggled through physics all the way. By mid-term, I'd pulled my physics grade up to a B and could finish with that as long as I scored a C or better on the final. After never scoring lower than a 70 on any exam in physics, I failed the final. I still cannot wrap my brain around how I only got a 47.5!!! I studied diligently and it didn't feel difficult while I was taking it. I'm baffled. Embarrassed. Sad. Disappointed. I finished with a C for the semester. The grade is perfectly fine and will be acceptable to the Diagnostic Medical Sonography program but I expected so much more out of myself.
Speaking of the DMS program, I am applying next month despite the very long odds of being accepted this coming year. I still need to figure out what I'm going to do for another year.


The unexpected death of my twenty-two year old niece opened a door with a portion of my family, which I would have been happy to keep closed. I just don't know how to act around them. I can't be myself because myself is very judgemental and I have no desire to hurt them. It's not as if they've hurt me, we just have nothing in common other than our blood. My sister has discovered the joys of Facebook and is now in constant contact. The other sister remains estranged - her choice.


I'm getting ready to move, yet again. This basement apartment is adorable but the lack of space and the dangers and discomfort of the city are too much for me to handle. I am going back to the Woodside area of Silver Spring and by June, I will have a roommate. My old next door neighbor, Liz, is leaving her husband and needs to be near-by for their daughter. I don't particularly want a roommate, but I am facing a very difficult money situation next year and this will bring my spending in line.


My head has been spinning with so many things as this year comes to an end. But I think I'll save that for another post...