Donations Welcomed

Although there's very little I can do to move forward with getting preggers until I find a fertility doctor I like, one little task I need to tackle as soon as possible is finding a sperm donor. I want to have all my little swimmers in a row before I start testing my reproductive system, so that I'm all good to go when I do get the green light to start trying to conceive.

I looked at a few sperm banks online but it was all very overwhelming at first. The most disappointing thing about the available sperm banks is the lack of photos. Most of the reputable banks either don't offer photos at all or you must pay extra to view them. In fact, some of the sites find a way to squeeze every nickel and dime out of you before you even commit to buy a single sample! (And by sample, I mean a vial of sperm. This ain't Costco people, they don't let you try before you buy!)

Facing the daunting task of finding a donor and then finding the money to pay for him, I thought first whether there was a man already in my life who I would consider using as a donor? I came up with two candidates.

"Mr. French" is a man I've known for about six years and made out with once (on my birthday). Mr. French is a Moroccan, French Canadian, Jew who works as a personal trainer in Washington, DC. He's about 6'2" and built like an Adonis. Did I mention he is one of the most beautiful men I've ever laid eyes on? We went through a rough patch where he constantly led me on and then never asked me out, but we eventually got past that and rebuilt the friendship. He's 38 and single with no prospects.



"Mr. Beckham" is a man I met through an online dating site but never actually dated. We had several friends in common and were acquaintances and communicated only by email and IM for about a year before becoming friends. As friends, I nursed a little crush on him for a while but he was not interested in me. (I think he thinks I'm too old -he dates 22 year olds.) He is 35, an IT recruiter in Virginia, Israeli by birth, a little short (5'7"), very attractive and athletic (thanks to lots of soccer) and a very kind, sweet friend. Oh, and we had sex twice. Friend sex. But pretty great friend sex.

I started with Mr. Beckham. I presented my case and asked him to consider donating his sperm. He asked for time to think about it, but eventually said no. I wasn't as crushed as I thought I would be because I prepped myself for a "no."
I can't say that I would say yes, if I were a man either. Unless you are a gay man, it really could be a very sticky situation. No pun intended.

After that, I sent an email to Mr. French asking the same of him. I never got a reply. There is an element of flakiness to him, so I was not at all hurt or surprised. Either he never saw the email or was completely nonplussed. Again, it's fine and I figure this is the way it was meant to be.

There would have been a lot of advantages to having a "Known Donor." It does make uncovering medical records and family history a LOT easier. I did like the idea of knowing that I cared about the man who gave me this gift. I would also have liked my child to meet his biological father or even have him in his life in a limited way (if the man wanted that).

I harbored no delusions that either of these men would ever want to be an active father in my child's life, nor would it ever develop into a love relationship with me. Sadly, there are women in my SMC online group who do exactly that; approach a donor praying someday the man will want to marry them. It feels so pathetic when I read their confessions. That just reinforced my decision to move on to a sperm bank donor.

So, the search continues...