If I were a friend of mine and I told me what I was thinking...I may just have to MURDER ME!!!
I received an invitation to a birthday party today. An old friend is throwing a big bash in Washington, DC in May and asked me to fly home for the event. The opportunity to go home, see so many friends whom I love and have fun was one I'd never pass-up. Within ten minutes, I was looking for cheap flights.
Within twenty minutes, I had a thought: what if I called LDB and asked him to come to the party? Would he come? Would he even talk to me? Would I be opening a can of worms AGAIN???
If I were a friend of mine and I told me what I was thinking...I'd be shocked and horrified. How could that thought even crop up in the back on my mind after everything we went through? Am I really that much of a sick masochist? Why would I ever court that kind of pain again?
Why does my brain work like this? In high school, the more Joe Dare hurt me and turned away, the more I wanted him. I know this is not an uncommon human behavior... but it's sick! I had to have him. I could only be happy when I was with him. Down the road, I would learn that my feelings for him were not misplaced. He grew up into an amazing, kind, loving and sweet man. I happened to see that in him all along, even when he behaved like a jackass. There are still times when I wonder if we'll find our way back to each other one day. That was far too passionate a love affair to have meant nothing. And the fact that we are still in contact prompts those thoughts (and hot dreams) too.
This cannot be something I allow to permeate my thoughts as I prepare to move home to Washington.
1 comment:
Honey, LDB will just happen to be on yet another de-ghettoing mission far away from DC, when you`ll be there;-). So, please ENJOY the birthday party, breathe that oh-so-wonderful "Its Spring in Silver Spring" air in, eat a mean burrito from Chipotle and enjoy the company of people who love, care and think about you, who enjoy your presence there...and who need you in their life...there is gonna be another Jewish Prince Charming...no, really:) I believe in winning Mega Millions one day...thats the only reason I spend 1 dollar each Thursday...because you know nothing happens with out believing...and I even know what you going to say to that, so don`t say it:)
This message has been brought to you by loving and caring pink flamingo type (gay...get it?) strange bird. Toodles.
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