Paralyzer

I have not blogged. I have not written my column. I have not applied for any more jobs. I have not sold any of my belongings in order to move across country. I have done nothing that I need to do. In reality, I haven't even made any final decision on where to go or what to do next. I am paralyzed by this indecision.

Sure, I have talked about moving to Seattle. I've promised my best friend Samantha that I will finally join her out there. But I have nothing concrete to move out to -- other than feeling like I'm with family. Family I actually like.

I don't have a job. I was so close to landing a job I believe I would have really liked, but I failed the writing test I was given. That was such a harsh blow to my ego that I haven't been able to really apply for any others. I long suspected that I couldn't do anything else in the world besides act like an idiot and take abuse on the radio and now I am getting confirmation. Having started in radio in college, I never trained in any other vocation. If I want to do something else for a living, I must now consider going back to school or training for a new career.

I've thought long and hard about what I should learn and what to do next and I have come up with only one potential career: nursing.

I've spent the past two months mulling this over. I have tried to consider every possible downside or con to this decision and they number in the millions. But as my radio contract runs out and I cannot find another job in this terrible economy, I'm beginning to believe that I have no other choice.

I am scared to death to commit to this but I'm not entirely sure why. As of February 1, I have nothing. The fear of that alone should scare me into making a move. It seems the more decisions I need to make, the less able I am to make them.