Now that we have actually addressed the elephant in the room, Craig and I have been emailing back and forth about all the possible pitfalls of ever being together. In letter after letter we are attempting to rationalize something that likely has no rational answer or explanation. How do you decide whether or not a relationship will work before you have that relationship?
We continue to write and try to be practical. It's a very adult dialogue in which we are exchanging our thoughts and feelings about our futures - be they together or apart. It's beyond that, though. I've also been thinking very rationally and keeping my feelings in check as best I can. I've been doing better on that front than I thought I would. Certainly better than I've done with that in the past. Despite all of these feelings that are coming seemingly out of nowhere, I'm staying grounded and so far, not letting my imagination or dreams get the better of me. Very mature.
Mature until this afternoon when I picked up the phone and heard his voice again. Every practical word, every ounce of maturity and every rational thought flew right out of my head the moment he said hello to me. I proceeded to flirt and giggle like a school girl. A 40-year-old school girl. I couldn't tell you what we talked about for almost an hour: a sure sign that I am completely taken with him.
In the course of trying to be rational and practical about Craig and the very real possibility that we will never get together, I thought I was keeping all those feelings in a safe place. Turns out there is no safe place to hide them.
So, although I couldn't bring myself to say it while I had him on the phone, I really wish that Craig would be my Valentine. ;-)
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