Conveniently, LDB has been absent from my life for a few days now and although my imagination continues to create lovely fantasies of our life together, it has allowed me to better control my conscious mind where he is concerned. I guess that is the best for which I can hope? That he will be an occasional visitor in my world and I will learn NOT to love him?
My greatest fear now is the prospect of his dating. I do not know how I will ever face seeing him with another woman. It was one thing to know he was or see him with his wife. Besides her claim being established far before I even met his friend, IA, deep down inside I never gave his love for her very much credit. That was clear in the intense joy I felt at being told that he had a crush on me.
I can't help but to find myself wondering how he feels about me now. I suspect I know already and that scares me because I assume he feels nothing but the warmth of friendship and shared history. But I know for a fact he has thought of more where I am concerned.
He mentioned missing me. He also talked of remembering what a good kisser I am. If you feel nothing but a friendly inclination, do you dwell on such things as these? However, I am likely reading into these things. I am probably projecting my desires upon him and his occasional, feeble recollections.
My brain is fighting violently with my heart almost daily.
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