It Figures...

The moment I acknowledged my feelings for LDB; shortly after I committed them to this blog, I was shown exactly what I mean to him.

I haven't heard from LDB since I left him that evening. Not a call, email or even a text. I thought perhaps he was testing me. Perhaps he was tired of being the only one to make contact, so I went ahead and called him. It went straight to voicemail. Later that same night I texted him and he replied, curtly, that he was in NY for the week and returning Friday. When I asked him to call when he had time, he never answered.

Watching my favorite show as I write this I am reminded of Anne Boleyn's words about Henry VIII to her father: "They say all his liaisons are soon over. He blows hot, he blows cold..."

On the one hand, once again, I was able to focus solely on my schoolwork. No more silly fantasies about LDB actually wanting to be with me in any real way now that he is moved into his new, single life. No more staying up half the night, tossing and turning in my bed, imagining his hands on my body and his mouth on mine.

THIS is exactly the situation I was trying to avoid by not allowing myself to show him any affection. I wanted just one sign that I could trust him but it never seems to materialize in any real way. Unless and until there is some sort of grand gesture, I will remain unavailable to LDB.